We don't talk too much about self knowledge in Christian circles. We would rather look at God and talk about the Bible than deal with ourselves perhaps. But, true transformation of the self means that we are at least aware of the self that is being transformed.
Some might say that we are meant to lose our selves in Christ, that we are to die to self and be caught up in our knowledge of God. This is true. But, the same Paul who said that "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" also said "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Paul's deep awareness of Christ also brought deep awareness of self which made him even more grateful for Christ.
There are many that can talk about God but lack deep knowledge of their own self. They can quote verses but lack awareness of their own character. Others see what they refuse to see.
We can feel righteous in our knowledge of the Bible or boldness in our witness, yet be totally unaware of how unloving and rigid we are in our relationships. We can be faithful in our attendance to church activities yet never be willing to admit personal failures or faults. But, if we truly know the God we can talk so much about, surely we would also know more about ourselves.
David Benner in his excellent little book titled "The Gift of Being Yourself"says, "Deep knowing of God and deep knowing of self always develop interactively. The result is the authentic transformation of the self that is at the core of Christian spirituality."
Benner asks "What have you learned about yourself as a result of your experience with God? And what do you know about God as a result of a genuine encounter with your self?"
"While many of us have followed Jesus [for a while], too often we have not allowed the initial introduction to deepen into a deep, intimate knowing. Though we glifbly talk about a personal relationship with God, many of us know God less well than we know our casual acquaintances. Too easily we have settled for knowing about God."
Benner then goes on to suggest ways of knowing both God and self more deeply, to invite God's Spirit to "search me and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts." And, in knowing God we know ourselves and can become the people we "want to" be - or were made to be. After all, it is God who gives us the "want to" anyway...
Note: Benner takes a very psychological approach to Christian spirituality. Some Christians may not be comfortable with this. He does use many Biblical examples. But, reserve judgement on particulars and don't miss the power of the overall message of the book to know God more deeply and in turn to know yourself more honestly.
